Hello my cute followers! I’ve been thinking—I want to document my experience as a JET ALT in Japan as much as possible, so I’ve decided that I’ll start a blog that is dedicated solely to that adventure ^.^ But first, I’d like some feedback from you guys on some things…

Foremost, would you guys even read it? What would attract you? Please reply to this post saying what topics you would like me to talk about once I get to Japan! That would help me a lot.

Also, any suggestions on which website I should use? Tumblr, blogspot, wordpress, etc? I want something that I have a lot of visual control over as far as layout and post content but I also want it to be clean and easy to navigate. I’m also considering making a new YouTube channel along with the blog under the same name, in case people prefer vlogs. Which one would you be more likely to check- a blog or vlog?

Oh and I need a name for it! I’ve had a few rolling around in my head but before you read the list here are the meanings of the Japanese words I included: “gaijin” means foreign person and is commonly used for white Americans, “hime” means princess, “miraa-chan” is my name in Japanese, “kinpatsu” means golden hair and “jin” means person. Ok, here are my ideas!~
Gaijin Diary
Little Gaijin
Gaijin Hime
Honey Punch (the name of a j-pop song that I thought was cute, haha)
Memoirs of a Gaijin
Dumpling Head (sailor moon reference)
Miraa-chan: Reflections of a Gaijin
Haley in Japan
Kinpatsu Princess
Kinpatsujin
Kinpatsu Diaries
Kinpatsu JET
So, yea, a lot of the same elements in different combinations. I want something unique and memorable but also simple… I like “Kinpatsu Diaries” a lot because being blonde in Japan makes a foreigner stick out EVEN more, ahah!

But yea I’d love any and all feedback, please and thank you! Let me know what you think c:

For those of you who didn’t see my post early last week: I have been accepted as a short-list candidate into the JET Program… In other words, I’m in!!!

Whew. Yea. It’s weird even just typing that… I STILL have this looming fear that something will go wrong and I won’t be on that plane in August. I know it’s just my anxiety but its uncontrollable! Like I’m afraid North Korea will actually start a war there, or I’ll get placed too close to where the tsunami hit and have to decline so that I don’t get harmed by nuclear radiation, or something on my health report will be weird, I’ll fail a class or I’ll miss a deadline or SOMETHING >.< But I’m trying my best to stay on top of it.

The reply form, a copy of my passport, and a copy of my FBI background application are due April 30th. I have everything needed except my passport which I applied for last Saturday. I had it expedited to come as quickly as possible so it should be here by next week. I also have to scan all that stuff and send electronic copies through email before I send off the actual package. Wah! Yea, see, I immediately focus on what I have to do next.

People keep asking me if I’m excited/nervous/whatever and honestly I don’t even know how to answer that question… Yes I’m both excited and nervous for obvious reasons but at the same time the answer is no because it hasn’t really hit me yet. I still can’t believe it. And I think that’s because my anxiety is still prohibiting me from getting my hopes all the way up. I just can’t believe it has all worked out so far, it’s too good to be true.

But anyway, I have to do all that stuff by the 30th and then the next phase is turning in my physicians reports, background check, proof of graduation, and IRS form. I’ve already started on the medical stuff and gotten an x-ray. I’m going back today to finish it up and get my results. Last time, I found out that I’ve gained 10 lbs and the vision in my right eye has gotten slightly worse -___- and I thought I’d stay young and healthy forever……. Ha!

Oh and I will find out my placement sometime next month!! I’m so excited for that! My requests were for Yokohama City, Saitama, and Osaka. If I got Yokohama… Ugh I’d die of happiness. I just keep hearing so many amazing things! But I don’t expect to get any of those actually. I’m expecting a tiny rural town that I’ve never heard of. I’ll be okay with that though c: The only thing I would be kind of bummed about is if I get put in Hokkaido… Don’t get me wrong, I would LOVE to visit there but living in snow country for a year might be too much for me. First of all, I grew up in Tennessee, meaning that I’m a wuss when it comes to cold weather. On top of that, I’m a thin girl which just makes it more difficult to adjust to extreme temperatures like that. And I just hate the cold… I never feel cute when it’s cold, I always just feel COLD, lol. But! We’ll just have to wait and see where I get placed. So yea, that’s my status on the JET Program. Still going through the process… But the hard part is over.

School is getting intense, I must admit. I thought it would have a steadily difficult pace throughout the semester but most of my classes are definitely getting harder. In Movie Making, I decided to direct a little skit that we’ll be filming during class time. Doesn’t sound too difficult right? WRONG. Well.. Actually, it isn’t difficult… It’s just difficult for me because at the exact same time that I need to put work in for that, everything falls apart on the award show production that I’ve been co-producing for months. My brain is just frazzled lately. There are way too many deadlines and due dates in my planner to even think straight! So I’m not really “on top of it” anymore… It’s more like I’m just trying to survive without failing. Japanese is getting way harder too :c I used to keep up fairly effortlessly, but the stuff we’re learning now (te-form functions) is so complicated and hard to remember. Maybe it’s because my mind is so preoccupied…

On a lighter note, I will be a college graduate in exactly one month. One more month of school… Another thing I can’t really process. I don’t even really have words?? I’m doing the same thing that I’ve done with JET—focusing on what needs to get done. Schoolwork is a large chunk of that but I’ve also had to design and order my class ring, take 2 exit exams, design and order my graduation invitations, get those from my dad, get addresses from my family to send those to, fill them out, and send them off…

Basically I’m running on 3 high-priority tracks right now: passing my 21 hours, being prepared for graduation, and remaining a part of the JET Program. So right now my biggest duties are to direct a short film, produce an award show, study my Japanese vocab and te-forms, fill out and send out my invitations, get my JET physicians forms filled out, pick up my passport, make copies of it, scan it along with the reply form and FBI app, and finally send both hard and electronic copies to the Nashville Consulate. It’s a lot but it feels really good to be in such control… To prove to myself that I can do anything, as long as its technically possible. That’s my list. It’s my hope to look back on this post in exactly a month and laugh at how frantic it sounds, since it will have all worked out in the end~

So much is going on in my life, it’s like my head is spinning. My wheels are constantly whirring from processing solutions and conquering tasks.

Taking 21 hours my last semester of college is challenging! And I only say that now, in my down time, because I refuse to acknowledge it when I’m busy and in the zone. But whenever I get the chance to step back and relax, I find myself immersed in the third-party perspective of my life. I’m in 8 classes. 2 are advanced seminars (highest level of classes) within my major. 4 are outside of my major completely and I’ve never had any experience with them. And 1 of them is the intermediate study of a non-Latin-based foreign language. My advanced seminars require hours upon hours of work outside of class time and my Japanese teacher assigns homework for every single class. And that’s just school!

Emotionally, I’m a little drained. Since I’m taking so many hours, I don’t have time for a job, which means I never have any money, which means I usually can’t afford to hangout with friends.. Any money I get immediately goes to gas and extremely cheap basic groceries. So, I really only hangout with my sister. Which is great! We get along really well.. But it does make me feel kind of isolated and antisocial. The lack of money also increases my stress level because its all too often that my car is on empty and I don’t even have enough to get something from the McDonald’s dollar menu.

Plus, I just feel lonely. I miss having a boyfriend or at least someone to flirt with or AT LEAST someone to have a crush on.. It’s like there’s no one. Maybe I’ve just distanced myself too much from everyone. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t feel like I attract guys anymore really. It concerns me because I do want a relationship.. But I don’t know how to improve upon that, especially now..

On top of everything, there is the JET program. It has consumed my thoughts, dreams, and free time since November of 2012. That’s when I first found out about it and applied.. Now, almost 4 months later, I’m still waiting to find out if I’ll be moving to Japan in August to live for a year. I’ll know in April. Just a couple more months. But that’s there, hanging above my head, at all times. Will I be accepted? What if I am? What if I’m not? If everything goes according to plan and I am, I’ll have to be officially graduated by May which means I have to pass all of my classes and make at least a C in the ones within my major. Remembering that requirement keeps me trying everyday. Wouldn’t it be a sick joke if I were accepted but failed one of my classes and couldn’t graduate? That’s pressure. Or, if I do pass everything and graduate on time, and then I’m not accepted into JET. Really my only choice would be to find an internship.. But where would I begin to find one? I suppose once I find out my results in April, I’ll be able to make those decisions.

But right now it’s just this juggling act while my future hangs in the balance. Who knows where I’ll be in a year? This is such a transitional time. Maybe the most important year of my life so far! Probably. But it’s okay, I think I perform well under pressure. I think I’m handling all of this really well and I’m trying my best. Sometimes I do feel a little bit overwhelmed though.. Especially not having Internet at my apartment! Tumblr would reduce my stress. But probably so much so that I turn into a lazy couch potato ahah.. So I suppose its for the best. I’m trying to read more in my relaxation time anyway c:

And so I said “stop sucking,”
But you didn’t stop.
Without another word, you sucked up what was left.
Your ego’s favorite meal being attention, you were finally satisfied.. But only for now.
Again, your body would ache with hunger until it was provided the necessary nourishment at the cost of pain to others.
And so, never understanding how to make yourself feel better without hurting someone else, you continued to suck… Forever.

Qualifications for me to be attracted to you:
- not gross
- not dumb
- not an insecure lost little boy

Therefore I am attracted to no one aside from Christian bale

I’ve found myself waking up in the middle of every night from my light, tooth-gritting, nightmare-filled sleep. I guess I really have reached the level of stress that seems to be imbedded in both sides of my bloodline. I’ve always made a conscious effort to relax a little more than everyone else in my family so that the anxiety and tension that I innately set up for myself in day-to-day life doesn’t eat me alive.. Alas, it’s my senior year of college and I’m taking 21 hours (actually 25) including 2 advanced seminars, a foreign language, and 4 other classes in 2 brand new fields outside of my major. Not only that, I have to juggle schoolwork with finding a job by the time I graduate. My options are either to find a production internship in Murfreesboro/Nashville or teach in Japan through the JET Program, which I have thankfully just been granted an interview for. That’s in 3 weeks which means that the next 21 days will likely be the busiest of my life, as I’ll be using all of my free time getting a passport photo, buying a business suit, doing a million mock interviews, etc. But I won’t even get to relax once that’s over because my stomach will be in knots, wondering everyday what my final results will be. Even when I get the results, it’ll continue.. If I get in, then wow, I have to prepare myself to move to Japan and teach English for a year. If I don’t, I’ll have to scramble to find a job and prepare to apply for JET all over again next year. Really, the stress won’t be ending anytime soon.. And I suppose I just can’t quite catch my breath under the weight of knowing that right now because here I am, wide awake after only 4 hours of sleep.

At first, I thought everyone had a soul mate in life and what a romantic philosophy that was.. But then I became a little older and grew to understand that any “soul mate” I may have and the relationship I have with them depends too much on my own choices to be considered any type of fate. And that was empowering I guess.. But also very daunting. And well, now I’m kind of circling back to the original outlook. You’d think it’d be an inspiring revelation, but no. It’s actually really depressing to realize that your emotions are not only completely and 100% out of your control, but entirely invested in a separate person.

my cat sounds like a double-tongued cthulu serpent demon when she cleans herself

“All guys will fall madly in love with you if you are hot, like sports and beer, are happy all the time, forgive everything, and wear tight shirts without a bra” - there’s something about mary

I just always thought it was weird that Christians always want to refer to the New Testament when the Old Testament is .. Well, older and therefore obviously more accurate (although still largely less accurate) than the actual events and/or original recording of the bible.. It’s like indirectly saying “I like this one better so I’m going to ignore the other one” lol.. Not like it matters because they’re both works of fiction with some sick and twisted messages in them.. BUT whatever floats ur boat I guess~

my new years resolution is to eat some gummy bears without eating the whole dang bag